


Focus, shh!

by tilimwornout



Category: Red Velvet (K-pop Band)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-19
Updated: 2020-08-19
Packaged: 2021-03-06 00:00:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,500
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25974061
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tilimwornout/pseuds/tilimwornout
Summary: Seulgi runs a successful fancam channel on YouTube and when she gets access to her first live event since social distancing became the norm, she has an unexpected encounter with the star of her most popular videos, Joy.
Relationships: Kang Seulgi/Park Sooyoung | Joy
Comments: 3
Kudos: 60





	Focus, shh!

**Author's Note:**

> I know I still have the other Joygi fic but I felt very strongly about this story. Thank you for reading!

While her style is usually comfortable and unadorned, Seulgi tried her best to fit in with the smart casual and corporate outfits that filled the halls of the broadcast building. She knows the receptionist already notified the appropriate office but she can’t help but make a call.

“Joohyun unnie,” she nearly exclaims when the editor answers the phone.

“I already told the receptionist to let you in.”

Seulgi makes her way to the elevator after exclaiming a small “yes!” and goes for the 7th floor. She has her hair in a low, slick bun and replaced her usual oversized blazer with a tailor-fit one.

“It’s been a while,” Joohyun comments when Seulgi enters her office, not even looking up from her work laptop. “You only really call me when you need a press pass to see your little girl group.”

“Excuse me?” the other girl gasps dramatically, all offense meant. “It’s a fair deal. I take good photos of every artist and personality at these events and in exchange I get to take videos for my channel.”

The editor only snorts. “You’re doing too much for free for this news outlet, they could be paying you a great amount of money for outsourcing this stuff.”

“You know they won’t. I’m sure the views I get for the fancams will bring me more money than that,” Seulgi points out, eyeing the press ID the older girl is trying to hide in her tiny hands.

“They  _ should  _ be, rather. God. You take the best photos out of all the self-proclaimed professional photojournalists out there. Why do they keep uploading unflattering pictures of celebrities then writing clickbait headlines like ‘epitome of beauty’?”

The younger girl just smiles politely, letting Joohyun vent until she relaxes enough, gives her the pass, and kicks her out.

“Don’t waste any more of my time,” she warns. “Dress appropriately, arrive and register early, and upload your best photos as soon as you can.”

“Yes, editor Bae!” Seulgi greets politely, even giving her a 90-degree bow. She makes it out of the door before the eraser Joohyun aimed at her head could even reach her.

She inspects the ID and press pass given to her on the long way down the elevator. It bears the name of the news outlet and her full name with “Independent Contractor” written below.

On the pass is the name of the event, her full name, and the name of the news outlet she’s representing for the first awards show to allow reporters and fans since the pandemic.

It’s an honest job, if you would call it a job at all. Kang Seulgi is a success in the age of content creators and influencers, with her main source of income not even requiring her to appear in front of the camera.

She started filming performances of hot and in-demand singers at her university’s student festival, and eventually started visiting other top universities with impressive lineups after making enough friends to gain entry. For some of them, students themselves would send invites to her channel because 1) they want to show off, 2) they wanted good videos of their faves.

GomCam is her very own baby, born after her friends convinced her to start a channel instead of uploading to her own social media accounts which barely had followers anyway. The Twitter and Instagram accounts she used to post about new uploads quickly surpassed her personal accounts and for the most part, she managed to keep her identity a secret.

It’s uncommon for a woman to own and operate a fancam channel. The other creators she would fight for the best views for are all men and the women are usually fansites of whoever was set to perform.

She’s aware of the criticism fancam channels usually have, most of them really just there to give men  _ material _ or bring in revenue from the views.

  
When live events were restricted to comply with social distancing measures, the other channels resorted to film random pretty girls performing wherever. It didn’t matter if they weren’t celebrities, the channels that existed for that purpose always brought in viewers.

The new normal forced Seulgi to go in front of the camera for the first time, building an unexpectedly successful career as an influencer.

GomCam had grown to 400k subscribers in the six years she managed it. The revenue, even without new content, was enough to support her hobbies in photography, fashion, and seeking out great food. Her followers loved what she put out on her Instagram and now she’s receiving gifts and appearance fees for content tied to her name.

Not wanting to leave GomCam, her beloved first child, to die, she prepared highlight clips and “most viewed” rankings for the artists with fandoms who cared about such things.

If you had to ask her, choosing who to focus on for fancams isn’t as simple as choosing the most popular member. That would mean competing in a crowded market, so she took her sweet time doing research. She compared view counts and search volume and Instagram followers to find the member who was worth the effort.

Only around 20 groups rose to significance throughout her college career and many of them went to at least four events every university festival season. She didn’t have to do extensive research that often.

In fact, she didn’t have to do it at all when Park Sooyoung debuted in a trio with her high school best friends. She was the easy choice.

Joy, as she’s known now, was a freshman in Seulgi’s arts high school. Although they were only in the same school for half a year, and in different departments at that, it was hard not to hear about the pretty transferee who was an idol trainee.

Everyone vouched for her and went out of their way to try and catch a glimpse of her. Ask anyone and they’d say she’s easily the most beautiful girl in her grade.

It was no surprise when the trio finally debuted after finishing high school and Sooyoung immediately rose to popularity, with love calls for great opportunities coming left and right. The girl was born to be a star and if it wasn’t for Seulgi’s fear of overstepping boundaries,she would have already tried to ask her friends in the production staff for the chance to meet her.

And for an introvert, Seulgi sure does have friends in all the right places.

Overeager Yerim spots her as she signs up for the event, completing all the necessary checks and health questionnaires.

Seulgi knows she almost always means trouble so she does her best to ignore the small girl trying to get her attention.

“Unnie, I can sneak you in the waiting rooms and help you finally meet your idol!”

“Can you not?” Seulgi harshly whispers, smiling awkwardly at the person waiting for her to finish completing the forms. “I already told you I’m not interested in meeting her, it would be awkward.”

“Awkward how?” Yerim asks, following Seulgi as she drags her feet and equipment towards the Press section in front of the red carpet.

Seulgi continues to ignore her as she pulls out her laptop and camera, and all the wires she needed to upload photos in near real-time. The paper, or at least Joohyun, allowed her to use her name on the byline. She was hoping it would help her build a portfolio towards her dream of becoming a photographer for albums and magazines.

“It’s not like she knows you’re the one sending her flowers at every event possible!” the younger girl tries to reason.

Roses. Sooyoung loves roses. The first time she got a small bouquet for the idol, Sooyoung even posted a picture with it. Seulgi felt stupid getting so excited her gift became the main point of a photo when it’s usually just barely out of the frame of the idol’s waiting room selfies.

_ A rose and roses. _ Seulgi remembers the caption so well.

And yet, five years into the trio’s career, the content creator has never tried to meet her by joining fansigns or using her connections.

Seulgi is forced to acknowledge the little demon beside her when she realizes she needs to use the bathroom. The red carpet doesn’t start in at least an hour and she could use a snack or a drink at the vending machine too.

“Where’s the restroom?”

Yerim laughs. “This is not your first time at this venue.”

Seulgi flicks her forehead and tells her to lead the way. Yerim already drained her energy, she wasn’t going to spend extra trying to remember where the restroom was.

“There’s a few portable toilets for the production staff and press but they wouldn’t know if we tried to use the actual hygienic ones,” the younger girl explains.  _ Finally, she was being useful. _ “We might run into some artists although it’s not very exciting to have to meet your fave for the first time in the restroom.”

Seulgi sighs and follows her mindlessly, only shaking into full consciousness when she realizes the restroom is right beside OhJungPark’s waiting room. Right across the bathroom door is a row of vending machines and as if on cue, her stomach grumbles.

The hallway was lined with artists moving around, rookies greeting their seniors, peers meeting their friends. A few pairs of male and female idols looping pinkies for a brief moment as they brush past each other. Oh, the things Seulgi knows. If only she was the type to gossip.

She finishes her mission and touches up without any of her worst fears happening. Seulgi debates against posting a selfie that could accidentally reveal the venue. It was supposed to be a secret to keep crowds away.

The creator uploads a photo of her press pass, covering sensitive information, and writes “it’s been a while”. There are excited and jealous people in the comments, including international fans hoping she’d say something about their idols.

What she didn’t expect was to see OhJungPark’s manager as she exited into the hallway. If he’s there, the chances that Sooyoung or her bandmates Yerin and Hayoung are in the vicinity.

“Seulgi,” the tired-looking man nods in acknowledgement.

He was always kind enough to accommodate her because she never crossed the line, unlike others who would leave indecent proposals or a contact number along with the flowers they would send.

Back when the trio was less popular, but still pretty popular for a rookie group nonetheless, Seulgi personally brought in the flowers while they prepared the waiting room for the group.

“Dongguk,” she gasps. “Hi, it’s great to see you here.”

He smiles. “It’s been a long time. Sooyoung loved the flowers, as always. Are you covering today’s event?”

_ Where was Yerim when she needed her?  _ “Oh, I’m happy she did. Yeah, I’m an independent contractor for a news outlet. They call me in for events.”

“They must know you’re a fan,” he teases. Seulgi’s not quite sure if they’re at that level of closeness, but he already probably knows more about her than she likes. It pays to be nice to people who can spill so much about you.

“Don’t tell anyone,” she manages to squeak out. 

Her palms were sweating. She does  _ not  _ want a chance encounter with the girl she devotes much of her money and time to right now. She has work to do.

Life has other plans.

“Dongguk oppa,” she hears a familiar voice whine from not so far away. “The vending machine won’t take my card. Do you have any cash on hand?”

“There she is,” Dongguk shoots a meaningful look at Seulgi before turning his attention to Sooyoung.

Seulgi  _ could _ dash off right now, but Dongguk didn’t say if he’ll get back to her or if he doesn’t want to hold her hostage.

“Sooyoung, I already told you that these poor machines can’t take your fancy cards,” the manager says from where he stands. He only turns slightly to respond to her and Seulgi starts wishing he didn’t feel comfortable chatting with her.

“But,” the idol pouts, approaching him with those puppy eyes.

“Korea’s it girl doesn’t have any cash?” he teases, only laughing as the girl tugs on his shirt.

Seulgi could see they’re close enough for her to be doing that, after all shared struggles can bond people so much. Dongguk, if she remembers correctly, is her age.

With heels on, Joy is around the same height as her lanky manager. Her hair is in loose curls, makeup spectacular, and her stage outfit was a jaw-dropper that actually looked comfortable enough to perform in. A purple asymmetrical, off-shoulder top and short shorts with fishnet stockings.

  
This man must be blind or desensitized because Seulgi is about to lose her mind at the actual goddess in front of her.

“Here, I have a ₩20,000 bill. Knock yourself out.” He hasn’t forgotten about Seulgi, unfortunately. He turns to her and asks if she wants anything.

_ Except Sooyoung? _ She almost asks.

“Who’s this?” Sooyoung asks Dongguk. Seulgi doesn’t miss the way Sooyoung takes her in from head to toe. She starts doubting her 21,000-follower fashion sense.

“Seulgi is… a long-time friend,” Dongguk simply says, for a lack of better word. “She’s here to cover today’s event.”

The idol breaks into a first love type of smile and Seulgi tries not to blush. “Nice to meet you, Miss Seulgi. Take good pictures of me!”

“Oh she sure will, I’m sure all your best press photos and videos are from her,” he adds. Seulgi kind of wants to hit him, but she’s just happy enough he didn’t say “fancams”.

“Well, I owe you a lot!” Sooyoung says excitedly. “Come with me, I’ll get you a drink and a snack.”

“With my money,” the manager yells out..

The idol sticks her tongue out, grabbing Seulgi’s arm as if they’ve known each other forever. (Technically, if Sooyoung remembers, they’ve known each other for eight years.) To anyone passing by, it shouldn’t be anything scandalous. Idols are known to be close to staff and have friends in the most random places, she assumes (hopes) this is what it looks like.

“Are you an unnie?” Sooyoung asks a dazed Seulgi. She has to remind herself not to stiffen up.

“Dongguk and I are the same age,” she answers. “Yes, I’m your unnie.”

Joy nods excitedly and selects a flavored seltzer water for herself, and lightly nudges Seulgi with her elbow to choose a drink. Coca-Cola, of course. “By any chance, did you go to SOPA?”

_ God. Here it is. _ Even as they move to the snack machine, Joy still has her arm looped with Seulgi’s.

She smells like flowers, Seulgi observes. Her grip is strong but not forceful, still with a pleasant softness to her skin.

“I’m surprised Park Sooyoung possibly remembers me,” she replies. “I’m not sure if you remember, but I was a senior in the theater and film department when you transferred.”

The idol freezes for a split-second, as if she hit a eureka moment. “You interviewed me.”

“For a final project where we had to interview idols or trainees who go to the school, yeah.”

Joy couldn’t hold back her laughter, “Oh my god. That video. It’s still up on the school’s channel and it’s apparently super popular among my fans. Online community sites still bring it up every now and then.”

Seulgi delays her response by choosing a small pack of potato chips from the machine. “Yeah but at least I can say, if anyone asks, that Park Sooyoung has been a sweetheart since day zero.”

The idol turns around quickly, “Here that, oppa? Park Sooyoung has been a sweetheart since day zero, quote Seulgi unnie on that.”

“I  _ can _ call you unnie, right?” Sooyoung asks sweetly, retrieving her own pack of chips from the machine. “Come to our waiting room, there’s no one else there!”

Top idol perks, Seulgi figures. Dongguk only sighs and reassures them he won’t tell the company.

“Seulgi only has ten minutes until she needs to go back and prepare for the red carpet,” the manager tells them sternly.

The older girl still can’t believe her situation. Right now she’s snacking with Park Sooyoung who warmly introduces her to Oh Hayoung and Jung Yerin. The two girls welcome her happily, reminiscing on vague shared memories, before leaving the two to talk privately. The private moment only lasted until Dongguk approached to receive a fresh ₩20,000 bill from Sooyoung.

“Don’t forget to thank her for the flowers,” he winks.

Seulgi is non-religious, but she prays for God to take her right now. Sooyoung’s jaw dropped and her eyes widened. Her face never betrayed what she felt even on broadcast.

“The flowers are from you?”

Seulgi only nods, feeling the embarrassment sink in. What kind of loser. Sending flowers, regularly, to a girl you found really pretty in your last few months of high school.

She didn’t even realize her admiration was probably a crush. Right now, she thinks she’ll be insane to have a semblance of romantic feelings for someone she currently only knows from a fan’s perspective.

“If you remember,” Seulgi says before she can stop herself. “All the ones signed with a bear.”

"Oh my god."

The older girl is staring at her sneakers now, her ears growing red as well. She suddenly feels the need to collect their rubbish and walk over to the trash can just so she can breathe.

Seulgi forgot how smart Joy actually is.

“You’re GomCam,” the idol concludes, unable to hide her surprise. And she actually looks… impressed?

"You know about GomCam?" Seulgi asks in genuine shock.

It would make sense, right? Idols like to monitor videos and photos taken of them, Joy even asked her to take good photos of her. GomCam’s videos are always the top suggestion when you look for Sooyoung’s fancams on any given date.

"Of course I know about the YouTube channel that films all my most-viewed fancams!" Sooyoung exclaims happily. "Thank you, really. Some of them going viral has been super helpful to me and the group. I think I owe you more than my so-so company."

Their manager laughs from the background and Seulgi remembers this conversation is not private at all.

Seulgi answers in a much quieter voice. “I started doing it as a hobby, before you even debuted, actually.”

“If you’re comfortable answering, how much are you earning from it?” Sooyoung asks, catching Seulgi off-guard. That was a question she didn’t expect. Her subscriber count and total views are public information anyway.

“Enough for me to help my parents and splurge a little on myself,” Seulgi decides to say. “For the past few months, I’ve only been uploading highlight clips and the like once a week so I had to find something else to do.”

The older girl almost melts when the idol does a little pout. “What is it that you do?”

“Press photos, trying to build a portfolio to become a fashion or entertainment photographer… And it’s not much, well under your 8 million followers, but I also somehow became a fashion and lifestyle influencer.”

Sooyoung’s eyes lit up, like the wheels in her brain started running much faster. “We should do a shoot together! I could even pay you. What’s your Instagram?”

Is she going to follow her? Seulgi knows how fans watch idols’ online activities, everyone would know within minutes that Joy followed someone new. The exposure could help get her name out there, but Seulgi’s only getting used to being known and perceived.

"The red carpet is starting in 15 minutes," Yerim exclaims from outside the room.  _ Where was she earlier? _

"I should get going, then," the older girl stammers, overwhelmed that the idol has now taken her hands into hers.

Sooyoung mumbles about Dongguk lying about how much time they had and mouths “give me your phone” to Seulgi, only breaking eye contact to see if the manager is looking.

“This is my private Instagram account,” the idol whispers. “I know it might feel too much suddenly, but I’ll accept your follow request and message you later.”

Seulgi nearly started sweating. Sooyoung’s voice dropped low and her face was so close to Seulgi’s as she whispered, but it was over just as suddenly. The younger girl’s fingertips dragged lightly across Seulgi’s palm as she returned the phone and politely bid goodbye as if nothing happened.

The last few moments felt like a dramatic shift from the mood since their chance encounter and Seulgi had to splash her face with cold water before returning to her designated spot.

Thank God for waterproof makeup.

  * \- -



“How did you get your idol to look directly into our camera?” Joohyun asks her over the phone later when Seulgi reports back to her.

Seulgi left for her favorite cafe right after the awards ceremony ended, deciding against looking for Yerim or Sooyoung or Dongguk.

“She probably recognizes me by now,” Seulgi answers, half-joking. She wasn’t ready to tell Joohyun exactly what happened although she probably has to tell someone just to get it off her chest.

“Invite me to the wedding, you owe me,” the editor jokes. “The editor-in-chief says thank you, great work as always. Remember to drop by tomorrow to leave the ID at the front desk. You don’t have to come up to my office.”

“You don’t want to see me, unnie?” Seulgi asks, pouting as if Joohyun could see her.

Joohyun only laughs at her. “I told you not to waste my time. If you want to talk to me, you can buy me dinner tomorrow.”

“I can’t promise that,” Seulgi teases before ending the call.

She spends the rest of the night doing quick edits to her fancams before uploading them to GomCam. Fans quickly filled the comments section with “FINALLY” in at least five different languages, happy to see real fantaken fancams after so many months.

She's sipping on an iced caramel macchiato, sighing as the last video successfully uploads, when she receives a notification about a certain account accepting her follow request.

Seulgi didn’t even have the time to check Sooyoung’s private feed before she received the first message. “Unnie, did my video come out well?”

She takes a deep breath before replying that yes, it did.

  
The idol put on quite a performance as always, going the extra mile for Seulgi’s cameras on both the red carpet and the stage. She looked at the camera like she was about to eat it up.

There’s already a dislike on the video and it makes her more upset than it usually does. GomCam has subscribers from fans of many groups, some jealousy and animosity was expected. Sooyoung becoming a real person she knows already started to affect how she feels.

"I watched it just now, your videos are really good!"

Seulgi deflects the compliment by saying she didn’t do much, adding that the subject did most of the work. Sooyoung insists on thanking her for taking good videos and photos. From her feed, the content creator notices that Joy uploaded the press pics she took on her public account.

“Thank you for taking good pictures of me, reporters,” the caption read.

The content creator blushes even though she thinks there’s nothing creative about what she does. Their conversation continues as she finishes scheduling tweets and Instagram posts for her new uploads, full cams and focus cams for over 20 artists.

Sooyoung asks her about her work and life while Seulgi tries not to pry beyond what the younger girl volunteers.

"You don't seem that interested in me, are you really my fan?" Sooyoung asks. Before Seulgi could even reply, she added another message. "If you were really my fan then you would be my fansite instead of a general fancam channel."

Seulgi was quick to protest, “First of all, I don’t have the time and money to follow all of your schedules including the overseas ones.”

“You would if you didn’t spend all your money on food and designer clothing,” the idol replies with a brokenhearted emoji.

“They’re vintage secondhand,” Seulgi says in defense. “And I have morals, so I’m not comfortable about some of the things some fansites do.”

She finishes her cheesecake slice and the rest of her coffee before Sooyoung’s next reply arrives. Seulgi had to start getting home if she didn’t want to miss the last bus.

“Good point. But. How come you’ve never been to a fansign?”

Seulgi erased a draft that said "you should see my collection". What a weird thing to say to someone when your dynamic is no longer simply idol and fan.

“I wasn’t sure how you’re going to react to meeting someone who runs a fancam channel, we don’t exactly have a  _ pure  _ reputation because of what some people use the content for,” Seulgi admits in her next message.

“Well, I don’t dress and perform that way to be perceived as a cute little baby, right?” Sooyoung proposes in her reply. “I like being in control of how others see me, even just through a performance. If the message gets across right, I feel… powerful.”

If this was telling her anything, it’s that Joy knows exactly what she’s doing onstage and in her music videos. Nothing’s scarier than an attractive girl who knows her power.

“Don’t tell anyone I said that,” the idol adds quickly in a follow-up message.

Seulgi tries not to think the way Sooyoung ate up her camera means anything towards her. Unable to think of anything at all, she just says “That’s an interesting way to think of it.”

“You’re doing a lot for fans who can’t see us live and that’s a great thing!” Sooyoung continues. “And you’re not just any fancam channel owner, we knew each other long ago and I can’t deny the impact your videos have to my career.”

“Sorry. Am I rambling?” the idol adds after Seulgi takes a little too long to reply.

“No, you’re not,” Seulgi messages back. “It’s just kind of crazy because earlier today I was just me and now we’re talking. I would not know where I’d be if your videos didn’t bring me millions of views.”

Sooyoung tells her she’s funny and says they’re even now. “You owe me a photoshoot. I’ll let you know when I’m free.”

  * \- -



Seulgi doesn’t have her own photography studio, just a neatly decorated studio apartment. She feels awkward welcoming Sooyoung into it but it’s their best choice for a shooting location.

As expected, Sooyoung is a natural. One would say she’s a seasoned model over her successful career with multiple endorsement deals to her name but Seulgi would say she was born with something experience cannot teach.

Taking photos like this is different from the 2-3 minutes you usually get with an artist on a red carpet. There’s no frustration of trying to get a flattering picture of someone giving their lungs quite a workout by singing and dancing at the same time either.

It’s just them, relaxing music from their favorite artists taking turns on the bluetooth speaker, and the golden sunlight pouring in from Seulgi’s large window. It falls so beautifully on Sooyoung’s face that Seulgi’s heart clenches and she’s suddenly not sure about what she’s feeling.

They get to know each other better now that they’ve both relaxed and Seulgi doesn’t have to remind herself not to freeze when Sooyoung takes her hand or rests her head on her shoulder.

She’s super clingy, Seulgi should know this, but it’s easy to return the affection when it’s the other girl initiating it.

The initial photoshoot gets a lot of positive attention from Joy’s fans and she gives Seulgi a big hug once the photographer agrees to let Sooyoung tag her.

One photoshoot turns into one nearly every week, when they both have the time, because Seulgi still has to make herself available for the events Joohyun calls her in for.

Seulgi doesn’t forget she owes Joohyun a meal.

Or rather, tteokbokki and jjajangmyeon as they sat on the floor of Joohyun’s living room.

“Why did you have to become friends with her? Now with artists and magazines calling you for shoots I can barely get a hold of you,” Joohyun mumbles.

“You don’t pay me,” Seulgi replies.

The editor glares at her and breaks into a smile. “I’m happy for you, though. You finally got the break you wanted. You’ll be hard to replace.”

“Unnie, are you crying?”

“I’m not crying,” she retorts. “I’m just not good at eating spicy food.”

Seulgi laughs and suddenly goes quiet as she reaches a realization. “I’m eventually going to have to close GomCam.”

Joohyun looks up at her, trying to gauge her expression. “It’s part of your growth, I guess? Sometimes you have to let some things go, no matter how important they were to you.”

“Like how you’d have to let me go?” the photographer finds it in her to tease.

“It would be wrong for me to hold you back. I’m not even sure if I’m still your best friend anymore.”

“Are you upset?” Seulgi asks, panic evident. “You’re still my best friend of over a decade! I didn’t get upset when you started dating Seungwan.”

“Don’t bring Seungwan into this,” Joohyun responds, jabbing Seulgi’s ribs with an elbow. “It’s different.”

“Well, it’s different with Sooyoung too.”

Joohyun only smiles, almost apologetically. Seulgi knows what she’s thinking. It’s one thing to understand how deep your feelings for someone runs, it’s another to do something about it when you’re not sure you’re going to get a favorable ending.

Just as they always do, they talk honestly. Joohyun knows, she already knows how much Seulgi has fallen, how different her feelings have become ever since she really started getting to know Sooyoung. And from the picture Seulgi paints of Sooyoung, Joohyun doesn’t think she has to worry about her intentions.

It’s too much for Seulgi, if she was being honest. She’s starting to do what she’s always dreamt of but she would eventually have to let go of the thing that brought her there. Of the thing that brought her to Sooyoung, if she was going to think of it that way.

It all still feels like a dream, like one day she’ll wake up and her career and whatever she has with Sooyoung will be all gone. Given the circumstances, her growing career as a photographer and influencer will be more stable than trying to keep the channel running. 

There’s something about conversations with Joohyun that always helps Seulgi come up with answers. She’ll buy her many more meals in gratitude if she has to.

  * \- -



“You’re stealing my fans,” Sooyoung jokes over dinner at Seulgi’s place. She was trying out a new recipe and the girl willingly offered herself as a tester.

“Do you see the comments?” the taller girl asks, leaning against a counter as she watches Seulgi cook. “People are like, ‘oh my god, Sooyoung’s photographer friend is so hot. She’s so pretty. Is she single? Her account is great too!’ You’re a superstar now.”

“Am I really hot?” Seulgi asks instead of acknowledging the whole thing, with her messy bun and sweater sleeves pulled up to her elbows.

The idol pretends to think about it and says yes in a defeated tone. Seulgi hits her lightly for saying it like it’s a bad thing although deep inside she’s flattered.

“You have a great face, a great body, and your own charm on top of that. You should have been a celebrity.”

“Oh really?” Hearing it from someone who Seulgi personally thinks has all that? Her ego is catastrophic. “Too bad I was busy dedicating years of my life to GomCam.”

Sooyoung laughs and says it’s not too bad if they both benefited from it greatly.

“You made me too famous. If I get too busy, I wouldn’t be able to run it the same way,” Seulgi says smugly.

“Oh so I’m not the only one who’s booked and in demand in this room?”

The photographer nods as she turns off the stove and plates their meals. “But as much as possible, you still get top priority.”

She watches Sooyoung bite back a smile and they talk about other things before the conversation could take an awkward turn. Seulgi thinks that even if things stay as they are between them, she’d be very satisfied.

It doesn’t mean she wouldn’t like it if they became something more.

Not that it was possible. That’s just how Sooyoung is, right? Very affectionate, always reaching out for someone to hold especially when she’s tired. Never running out of good words for people she loves but also having a great time teasing them.

Beautiful and kind and hardworking and smart and successful.

Today they decided to ditch the photoshoot. Sooyoung begged her to show her the massive archive she’s built over the years and she already started messing around the older girl’s desk.

“Where do we start?” the idol asks excitedly, inspecting a hard drive she found next to Seulgi’s work setup. “Do you keep all the files?”

“I don’t keep the boy group ones,” Seulgi says with a laugh. “I pay for cloud storage for the rest.”

“Then what’s in this hard drive?”

It’s too late to lie, isn’t it? “Those are all you, from the very first video I took of you.”

Sooyoung pretended to swoon, although the blush on her cheeks looked genuine. “Is this how it feels when someone’s deeply devoted to you?”

“...you don’t find it creepy or weird?” the older girl asks, trying not to stutter.

She shakes her head. “Why would I? I trust you a lot.”

“Already.”

“You never tried to cross a line with me,” Sooyoung points out. “And clearly, if you’ve been such a dedicated fan for that long…”

Seulgi didn’t need her to finish the sentence. She found her attractive, ridiculously so, sometimes to the point she feels is inappropriate. She admired her character, or at least whatever she’s shown of it, but she never asked for more than the celebrity was willing to offer.

She likes Sooyoung, and loves her even. But given where they are now, what kind of feelings are those?

They end up dropping the topic when Seulgi shows Sooyoung an edit she made for the group’s 5th debut anniversary, showing her growth when she was fresh out of high school until now. They watched how she changed, how her singing and dancing improved, how she could now walk in heels like she was born in them.

Seulgi quietly admires how much her confidence had grown, despite the controversies and criticisms thrown her way. No matter how harsh the world has been to her, she never let it turn her cold. She would be embarrassed for tearing up a bit if Sooyoung didn’t start bawling first.

The older girl goes to the kitchen to grab her a glass of water, returning after washing her face. She’s not fooling anyone, the redness and puffiness is evident and they just laugh at each other.

“Come here, you big baby,” Seulgi coos, taking Sooyoung into her arms on the floor next to the sofa. For once she feels like she’s bigger and she’s protecting her. Sooyoung settled comfortably against her chest, leaning into the fingers running through her scalp.

“Thank you for that,” Sooyoung whispers. “It’s hard to realize how much time has passed, and how much I’ve grown, when I’ve spent many of those years rushing from one thing to another.”

Resisting the urge to plant a kiss on the younger girl’s cheek, Seulgi gently cups Sooyoung’s cheek and tells her she’s happy she appreciates it.

They fall asleep like that in Seulgi’s living room, their bodies slotted against each other snugly. Seulgi wakes up first, over an hour later, panicking when she realizes she forgot about the meal they prepared. Sooyoung feels so comfortable in her arms, so warm and soft that it surprises her when she feels the taut muscle under smooth skin.

Dinner can wait, right?

Sooyoung is so, so warm. So perfect. Seulgi wishes they could stay just like that as she ghosts a fingertip over Sooyoung’s features. Sooyoung is taller, bigger. Her weight as she snuggles snuggly against Seulgi’s chest, a leg wrapped around the older girl, pins her comfortably against the floor. She thanks her past self for scattering blankets and pillows for lazy movie nights. This was even more perfect.

  * \- -



Sooyoung doesn’t say anything when she wakes up in that position, not even when she catches Seulgi staring. They get up, reheat their meal, and Sooyoung says something about that being the best nap she’s had in ages. On the other hand, the older girl spent a good minute trying to regain use of her legs.

“I was super surprised to find out you’re GomCam,” Sooyoung shares later while they finish up washing the dishes.

“Were you expecting some random dude?” Seulgi asks with a laugh. She’s heard this before when she would show up to receive tickets to university festivals she was invited to.

The taller girl nods. “The flowers and messages were really sweet, I would imagine the person was in love with me or at least whatever image they had of me.”

“Just a huge fan,” Seulgi replies, not commenting on the part about being in love. “Girls can be really sappy too, you know.”

“But you’re not just a fan anymore,” the other girl points out. “You’ve gotten to know me a lot.”

“Are you trying to get a confession out of me, Park Sooyoung?” Seulgi asks, her words bold although her demeanor fails her.

“You’re probably all disillusioned now that you know me, but it’s pretty flattering that my first high school crush became one of my biggest and most loyal fans.”

_ High school crush? _ “You liked me?” was all Seulgi managed to say. She’s lucky she’s sitting on a bar stool right now or else she would have already fallen to the floor. “What am I supposed to do with an expired crush?”

Park Sooyoung liked her? The most anticipated idol trainee of her time had a crush on scrawny high school Seulgi? That was nearly eight years ago.

(If Seulgi was looking now, she’d know Sooyoung is blushing too.)

“I didn’t even know that’s what it was,” Sooyoung said quietly. “I didn’t know that’s something girls can feel about girls until much later.”

All Seulgi could say for a while was “Oh” until she realized Sooyoung was expecting her to say more. “Well for me, I think you can tell.”

Sooyoung laughed for the first time in what felt like hours. “I would be very blind to miss the giant pride flag hanging on the wall.”

“It wasn’t an instant realization for me either but university was a really wild time for me.”

“I should have gone to university then,” the idol jokes. “Would have been easier to, uh, figure things out.”

Seulgi shakes her head. “I’ve never actually had a girlfriend. Just… fooled around a bit.”

“I didn’t know you could be so promiscuous!” Joy teased, pretending to be scandalized. “And I thought I know you so well already.”

“Once,” the older girl says with her ears flaming red. “I’ve only been with someone once, the rest didn’t go past kissing.”

The banter goes on for a bit and they allow it to lift the mood a little. Seulgi doesn’t remember when Sooyoung took the seat beside her, leaning on her elbow to get a closer look at her.

“Seulgi unnie.”

“Hmm? Yeah?”

Sooyoung lets out a little laugh and sighs. “I think you’d know by now.”

“I don’t think I’m hard to read either.”

  * \- -



Nothing changes too dramatically after that evening. Their meetups just became more frequent, more intimate. More kissing. The confession was a long one, they spent a lot of time talking about what it meant and how it became like this before Sooyoung was overcome by the need to kiss her. Seulgi had been so considerate and careful of everything, how can she not?

  
She’s only kissed boys for TV before. Kissing Seulgi was different. The older girl quickly learned that Sooyoung loved nibbling on her lower lip. As soon as Seulgi pulled back, but only to come back and kiss her deeper from another angle, Sooyoung would hungrily follow her. The older girl held Sooyoung’s face with both hands like she was the most precious thing in the world and maybe, to Seulgi, she is.

It’s funny imagining how fans would react if they found out she’s actually dating the girl they’ve been begging Sooyoung to date in her Instagram comments, but she owes them nothing. Everyone would conspire about why Joy is glowing so much and have nothing to show for it.

Sooyoung’s bandmates were the least surprised about the news. They knew Sooyoung long enough to know that she always gets what she wants, even her crush from ages ago. Her willpower and the universe always seemed to make sure things happened for her.

“Are you telling Dongguk?” the two ask during a meal together, watching Sooyoung cling to Seulgi as if she’d disappear if she’s not touching her.

“We haven’t talked about it,” Seulgi explains on their behalf. “I don’t think he’d be surprised or alarmed.”

Hayoung nodded. “He probably already knows. He would have already said something if anything worried him.”

“What did your friends say?” Yerin asks. As Sooyoung’s long-term best friends, it was imperative they got to know Seulgi better. Celebrities are no different from ordinary girls after all.

“They’re all very happy,” Seulgi answers shyly. “They said online dictionaries should replace the definition of ‘successful fan’ with a picture of me.”

“Joohyun unnie wants to make sure I can continue to work on live events for the paper though,” she continues. “But given how things are going, there isn’t going to be much for the time being. So there’s still a lot of time for me to take on other projects.”

“You should do our album jacket for our next comeback,” Hayoung suggested. “Is that… professional? What do people say about working with people you’re dating?”

“They don’t know that,” Yerin reasons. “Plus we’re not asking her because she’s Sooyoung’s girlfriend. We’re asking because she’s good at what she does.”

_ Girlfriend. _ It’s been weeks and the thought of finally being official still makes them blush.

“Seulgi unnie is very much in demand but she’s promised I’m top priority, so that includes us,” Sooyoung says proudly.

Her test of approval is a little more fun than it was difficult. The two other members brought them to the dog shelter where they usually volunteered and Seulgi had the best time cleaning up and taking care of the pups waiting for adoption.

Right after, she managed to get everyone’s bingsu order correctly before they headed off for some karaoke.

“Sooyoung, we’re going to have to replace you as our lead vocal,” the two tease after Seulgi impresses them with a performance of Flying Duck by Cherry Filter.

“That’s  _ my _ song,” Joy complains. She refused to sing it as a duet even if her girlfriend offered.

Seulgi sends the other girls a look that screamed “help” and they just laugh at her. The giant baby is appeased when Seulgi lets her sing three songs in a row, followed by a request to be serenaded with TVXQ’s Hug.

“Alright, I guess you pass the test,” Hayoung declares as Seulgi fulfills her duty as the eldest, making sure they all get back to their dorm safely.

“If you break her heart, we know where to find you,” Yerin threatens playfully.

Sooyoung glares them down and asks them not to scare her tiny unnie. The three others towered over her slightly, but thankfully the only time she notices is when her girlfriend is manhandling her.

The two others excuse themselves and enter the building first, eyeing them suspiciously until they’re out of view.

“Hi,” Sooyoung whispers as soon as she’s certain they’re alone. “Thank you for today.”

Seulgi kisses her girlfriend on the nose then the lips as an answer. “I’m so relieved they liked me.”

“Do you think  _ your _ friends would like me?” the younger girl asks shyly. “Not as a celebrity, I mean. As your girlfriend?”

“I’m sure they will. You’re amazing. They’ll like you more than they like me,” Seulgi says with all seriousness. “And my parents…”

“Your parents?” Joy repeats.

Seulgi bites her lip and looks at her feet. “Not any time soon but… I’m sorry.” Did she get too far ahead of herself?

“No, silly,” Sooyoung immediately gets defensive, lifting Seulgi’s chin up so their eyes meet. “I’d love to meet them someday.”

“And yours?”

Sooyoung pulls her in for a kiss. Another. And one more. “You’d have to win my dog over first.”


End file.
